handiramy's Blog

Just a stupid weblog

on December 19, 2016

For him, I’m a liar.

I often cried because of him, but he didn’t believe it. Even if he believed it, he didn’t want to be blamed.

Whenever I was in problem, he didn’t care at all. I was once so much in need, and asked for his help. At that time, indeed, he couldn’t be reached because of his phone and internet issues, but he didn’t even try to reply my SMS, moreover call me back.

For him, I’m not important.

Everytime I couldn’t reach him by internet, I tried to contact him by SMS and phone call. But he didn’t want to pick my calls, not even replied my SMS. “I have no credits.”, was always his lame excuse.

If I got ill, he didn’t care about it as if I lied only to get his attention. The same thing if I got any problem.

For him, I’m dangerous.

He didn’t want to tell me his address, as if I would send illegal stuffs to his house, or send love letters which could make his parents angry.

He didn’t want to send me his video or photo, as if I would upload them to public or send them to my every and each contact list.

He didn’t want me to come visiting him, as if I would create problems between him and his family, or between him and his special female friends.

He never told me about his daily life, about his friends and family, not even told me about the special occassions like his sister’s wedding, when he got university admission, and when he got scholarship.

***

The first few months we knew each other, he was the contrary of those hurtful actions.

He called me when I was sick. He texted me “good morning” every morning, and “sweet dreams” on nights. He sent me selfies even without I asked. He told me where he was going. He told me what dinner he had. He told me how he liked the weather. He told me some jokes and even history. He told me how beautiful the places he had visited. He offered me chocolates. He offered me help without I asked. He gave in to me when we played online game.

He was sweet and nice. He took care of me. He made me feel special.

Because he was in hard time. He had no friends. Nobody took care of him well.

Now he has changed. I don’t know if he really changed because now he has everything, or because he has found another girls, or he indeed never had any interest in me and only played on me.

He hates it if I write or post something related to him, even if I don’t mention his name. But I’m doing this now. I swear I do still care about him alot and I really don’t wanna do this. But, if he never cares about me anymore now, why would I still care about him?

I cried alot yesterday. When I decided to go away from his life. Deciding to move on. And deleted everything about him including his phone number.

Sometimes I think, why should I be sad? I have lost someone who doesn’t love me, but he has lost someone who loves him. It should be him who gets sad. I hope one day he will realize it and ask for forgiveness. At least, to God.

But I’m powerless. Everytime I reminisce how hurt I am, how he has changed, it always brings me into tears. I feel like I’m killing myself.

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