handiramy's Blog

Just a stupid weblog

A Note about Soul Mate

on June 18, 2014

Well, it’s been 2 months since my breaking up with my Pakistani ex boyfriend, on this blog I called him NANDA (not real name).

For you whoever Indonesian who is reading this blog now, please don’t laugh at the name Nanda, lol, I’m not lesbian. There are also many Indonesian guys owe the name “Nanda”. For non-Indonesian, let me tell you, in Indonesia “Nanda” is a female name. 😛

I’m moving on. But I think I haven’t moved on completely yet, as sometimes I still miss him, sometimes I feel sad that we don’t communicate each other anymore. But I never cry anymore over him. 🙂

Oh, people, please don’t call me ‘childish’! We don’t communicate each other anymore not because I want it, but he wants it and he many times told me not to contact him anymore. Well, sometimes I’m still stubborn by trying to contact him through SMS and emails but he never replied me. And please don’t call him ‘childish’ either. He has his own reasons why he does it. 🙂

I have tried my best to both apologize and thank to him, for everything. I have tried my best to fix the friendship. A lot of messages through FB (before he blocked me), SMSes, emails, Skype, even 8 pages of long letter which I sent by post, also video message which I created in 9 hours (I composed it from a Korean drama). Once I also sent him a farewell letter. But all of my struggles were fruitless. Did it make me sad? Yeeeesss…. I was feeling like a trash, hahaha…

Now, there is an Indian guy, on this blog I called him Sahil (not real name). He has been loving me even since before I met Nanda. When he knew that I have broke up with Nanda, he proposed me, but I rejected him. These days, I don’t know why, but I always miss him. Do I start crushing on him? Hmm I don’t think so. Maybe I feel so close to him just because I just broke up and I need someone else. I don’t wanna fall for him. Let’s say if I accepted him and be his GF, and later maybe after few weeks or few months, I realized that actually I never really loved him, so? It’s same as I only used him to forget my ex. It means I’m so evil. I don’t wanna hurt him that way, so I always reject him and I have told him to stop hoping for me.

For now, I don’t wanna fall in love with anyone. I currently enjoy being single. No boy no cry.
I just wanna be focus to get graduate as soon as possible, and get a good job. Once I get a stable job, then I will start to open my heart again. New job, new place, new people, new friends. Maybe I will find my soul mate in one of them. 🙂

Actually since teenager I always dreamed to have an army or police officer husband. I really wanted it so badly. Isn’t it so cool to have a “Pedang Pora” on your military wedding? Hehe.. Well, maybe my environment has influenced me. I have been living and growing up in army environment. My father was an air force officer. My brother is a police officer. I live in air force household environment.
Until now, I still hope for it, but not so badly. I will accept any of my husband’s job as long as it’s halal and has good prospect.

Sometimes, I feel it’s so hard to be me. To be a daughter of my parents. I know they want the best man for me. Someone who has good “bibit, bebet, bobot”. As a Javanese, it’s so important.

Try to flip through the Indonesian-English Dictionary written by John M. Echols and Hassan Shadily (all male expatriates who have been whining about not finding ‘decent’ Indonesian woman are strongly recommended to pay attention!). You will find the words bobot, bibit and bebet (Javanese descent) which means quality, origin and rank. These are also the qualities for ranking a prospective son-in-law.

In the good old days, parents in a Javanese family applied the three criteria to screen their future son-in-laws. The first criteria, bobot, means the quality of the person. Ideally, people who have done a lot of good deeds fit this criteria. But bobot can also be translated as weight. Yes, literally it means body weight. A lot of Javanese people say that the heavier you are – the wealthier you are. Of course, many also believe that the grudging overweight community invented the saying.

Bibit means seed (literally), or origin. This relates to your family background, whether you have ‘normal’ well-behaved parents and siblings or not. A few decades ago, blue-blooded gentlemen who were related to the Kings and their associates were highly preferred. At the present time within the modern society, these titles of nobility mean almost nothing.

And last but not least is bebet, which means rank. Rank is a big thing in Indonesia. Sometimes it doesn’t really matter whether your salary is hardly enough to feed the family or not, as long as you have a ‘big name’ rank. Like ‘Manager of Office Sanitation and Drainage Systems’, which can be simplified as janitor, for example.

My parents really mind about this bibit bebet bobot matter. They want my husband is someone who is well educated (at least same as me, but obviously I want my husband’s education is better than me), comes from a good family (and hopefully also a Javanese family), and has a good prospective job. So this is why I never told my father about my (ex)boyfriends.

In my opinion, there is another important requirement: health. Nowadays, there are so many diseases going around. I want my husband-to-be and I have a medical check-up before getting married, to prevent anything bad. One day, I told about this to Nanda (he was still my BF), but seemed he refused to have a medical check-up before getting married. I don’t know why.

So, how about you?
Do you have another requirement?
Do your parents mind about the bibit bebet bobot matter?


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